128: Healing the Mother Wound: A Foundation for a Better World with Bethany Webster

depth psychology Mother Wound patriarchy

Posted: November 19, 2020

We’re excited to welcome back Bethany to the podcast since her last visit in November 2016 where we discussed the “Mother Wound”. Her 2014 article “Why it’s Crucial for Women to Heal the Mother Wound” went viral and brought world-wide attention to her body of work in feminism and women’s leadership and personal development. Bethany’s work addresses a crucial gap in women’s psychology and empowerment by comprehensively defining the Mother Wound and how it manifests in women’s lives (1:42). Topics discussed in this episode:

Healing the Mother Wound (3:07)

- Discovering the Inner Mother
- How the Work is Evolving and Resonating throughout the world

Importance of this work during the Covid-19 pandemic (3:20)

- Impact on those healing from trauma or working on spiritual growth (4:59)

Quick recap of the November 2016 episode with Bethany:

- What is the Mother Wound? (5:39)
- The connection between the Mother Wound and the patriarchy (5:45)
- The three levels of the Mother Wound (5:47)
- The connection between unhealthy motherhood behaviours patterns in adult life and the Mother Wound (5:50)
- Taboos and stereotypes about the Mother Wound (5:59)
- Benefits of openly discussing the Mother Wound (6:05)

What is the Mother Wound (6:17)

- How 23 years as a client in depth psychotherapy started Bethany’s journey (6:43)
- Definition of the Mother Wound (7:13)
- The Four Levels of the Mother Wound (7:15)

- - The Personal Level - how painful dynamics with our mothers shaped or limited how we see ourselves (7:21)
  - The Cultural Level - how the Mother Wound is a product of living as a woman in a patriarchal society (8:17)
  - The Spiritual Level - how pain between ourselves and our mothers, ranging from mild to traumatic, leads to an existential sense of feeling separate (9:18)
  - The Planetary Level - how the Mother Wound impacts how we treat the planet (10:34)

Goals of the work (11:53)

- Increase awareness of the urgency and primacy of healing the Mother Wound
- Human attachment is the base of conflicts and problems (12:09)
- Importance of transforming our culture into a place where all people can thrive (12:52)

The depth and breadth of the Mother Wound (13:14)

- How the Mother Wound shows up in therapy (13:24)

- - Self-criticism, perfectionism, comparison & competition between women
  - Difficulty in showing self-compassion & receiving
  - Acts of self sabotage

Books exploring the Mother Wound

- The work of Clarissa Pinkola Estes which explores when the mother-child dynamic is not working (14:07)
- Bethany’s upcoming book, “The Inner Mother” (14:33) which is about nurturing and developing that part of yourself

Resources discussing the Mother-Child Dynamic (15:32)

- Previous podcast discussing development trauma in infants with Selma Bacevac (15:03) https://lourdesviado.com/118-why-infant-mental-health-matters/

- Dr. Gabor Mate’s work regarding the impact of maternal trauma on infants in utero (15:43)

https://drgabormate.com/

Healing the Mother Wound as a foundation for creating a new world (16:15)

- Our defenses around our pain (16:23)

- - Projecting onto others, fearing connecting, pushing people away & sabotaging ourselves

- When our defenses become barriers to our thriving and potential (17:59)
- Understanding our Safety Algorithm as a coping mechanism (18:24)
- Understanding and filling the Mother Gaps (19:14)

- - Definition of the Mother Gaps (19:22)
  - Unconscious coping skills we’ve developed to fill those gaps (19:31)
  - Filling the gap by building internal resilience (19:53)

Gifts of Healing the Inner Mother (20:26)

- Leadership qualities, speaking truth, standing their ground, pursuing their dreams, expanded capacity for pleasure and good things
- Restructuring the brain (20:46)

- - Comparing the inner child to the amygdala and the inner mother as the prefrontal cortex
  - Building new connections and accessing new choices & possibilities
  - The Mother Wound as a pattern of behavior we developed as children that is no longer serving us as adults and the response to a particular situation is an emotional memory (22:13)
    - Learning to be with challenging emotions as part of Inner Mothering work (22:45)

Simple steps to begin healing the Mother Wound (22:55)
- Connecting with your inner child (23:10)
  - Concerns and fears of connecting with your inner child are normal (25:12)
  - If you are feeling stuck or stumped, give yourself lots of empathy (25:57)
  - Connecting with your inner child as a tool for getting through tough moments (26:19)

- Journaling exercises (26:30)

- - What did you need as a child that you didn’t get enough of? (26:40)
  - What’s one of my current challenges right now that’s repeating? (26:47)
  - How is my inner child keeping me safe and holding me back? (27:20)
  - Where is your Safety Algorithm? (28:30)
  - What does your Inner Child need to feel safe? What are her biggest fears right now? (28:32)

- Advanced work for healing the Mother Wound (28:40)
  - Morning ritual with your Inner Child (28:42)
  - Morning greeting to your Inner Child (28:53)
  - Morning affirmations to make your Inner Child feel supported and safe (29:37)
  - Validate and differentiate (29:46)

- - - Validate the feelings of the Inner Child
    - Differentiate between the past and the present moments (30:02)

Evening ritual with your child, for parents and for those working with their inner children (31:28)
- What was good about your day?
- What was a struggle about your day?
- Reviewing your day (31:52)
- Affirming you are safe (31:54)

Connecting with Bethany (32:50)

- Free ebook “What is the Mother Wound” https://ebook.bethanywebster.com/ (32:57)
- Bethany’s website: https://www.bethanywebster.com/ (33:03)
- Free Facebook Group: (33:18)

“Discovering the Inner Mother: A Guide to Healing the Mother Wound and Claiming your Power,” coming out January 5th, 2021 and a pre-order bonus (33:23)
Free & paid courses: https://www.bethanywebster.com/inner-mother-course/ (33:40)
Upcoming Toolkit (34:14)

How to Handle Family Gatherings and Stay True to Ourselves

Resources: Clarissa Pinkola Estes, “Warming the Stone Child” (14:07) https://www.audible.com/pd/Warming-the-Stone-Child-Audiobook/B002V8KO8C https://www.amazon.com/Warming-Stone-Child-audiobook/dp/B000EPRHJS Related Podcasts: “Why Infant Mental Health Matters” with Selma Bacevac https://lourdesviado.com/118-why-infant-mental-health-matters/ "Healing the Mother Wound" with Bethany Webster https://lourdesviado.com/21-healing-the-mother-wound-with-bethany-webster/ Bethany Webster https://www.bethanywebster.com/ https://ebook.bethanywebster.com/ (32:57)