105: Everyday Codependency with Dr. Ashlee Greer

“Everyday codependency…the way I can get love is by being what other people need me to be. Being the good girl. Being the one that is quiet, the one that is well behaved…”  Welcome to this week’s episode of Women In Depth!  Today we speak with Dr. Ashlee Greer, who is gracing us with a second visit after her catalytic appearance in Episode 76:  Setting Yourself Free:  Cutting Ties with Toxic People.  In this episode Dr. Greer enlightens us to the idea of control and co-dependency; something she believes about 80% of our culture, particularly women, suffer from.   Dr. Greer teaches highly-sensitive, empathetic women to live a “hell yes!” life. Her clients learn that the hero they’ve been waiting for is them. We can change.   And beyond these ideas, she teaches her clients about boundaries, sacrifice, expectations, and soon in her new book she discusses “affectionate non-attachment.”   Ashlee Greer has her Ph.D. in psychology, is powerfully psychic, and has over a decade of experience helping hundreds of people transform to feeling passionate, vibrant, fulfilled, and joyful.  To keep up with Dr. Ashlee Greer:  https://www.ashleegreer.com/  https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC-4UPDzBse1kbQrw-YuLF9Q  https://www.facebook.com/ashlee.greer.1111  References Mentioned:  The No Bullshit Guide To Life by Dr. Ashlee Greer  In this Episode, Dr. Viado and Dr. Greer Discuss: 

• Understanding ourselves and how we use control to get love.  
• Avoiding true intimacy.  
• Being comfortable with feeling uncomfortable.  

• Invalidation of our emotions.  
• Learning to trust ourselves and intuition.  
• Boundaries and our expectations 

Time Stamps:  2:50 – Coping mechanisms for everyday co-dependency.  3:41 – 80% suffer from co-dependency in culture.  6:30 – Being authentic.   11:38 – Sitting with uncomfortable emotions.  16:35 – Invalidation our emotions and sucking it up.   19:56 – Discomfort with emotions.  25:00 – Internal critic  29:00 – Expectations v. Standards.   34:57 – Opposite of co-dependency is true unconditional love.  Quotes:  4:22 “The way I can get love is being what other people need me to be. Being the good girl. Being the one that is quiet, the one that is well behaved …”  5:40 “Everyone is feeling unloved; they’re just out there seeking someone to fill their cup so desperately and doing whatever they can to get their cup filled.”   7:25 “… have a terrifying fear of being thrown out of a tribe by showing up as who they really are.”   19:02 “Although, we think we’re making decisions with our mind … we make most decisions with our heart. We make most decisions on instinct it’s tuning in to ourselves; it’s trusting ourselves.”  27:16 “Allow other people to be who they are… this is us trying to control other people.”  28:52 “Boundaries – being one of these ways we really work with this process and release this process is that I really differentiate between expectations of other people. Expectations –  being a way that we try to control other people and standards. Standards – being these are values, these are my morals, and if we cross that line, it’s not okay.”  29:45 “We have a terror of chaos and yet, we have an addiction to it.”  33:06 “We get terrified, most people they’ll set a boundary, but they won’t reinforce the boundary. I always say boundaries aren’t about setting the boundary.  It’s about reinforcing the boundary.”